Latest News May 2007

welcome to pennyleebrown.com

Penny Lee brown is a freelance writer, journalist and editor. After years of heartfelt teenage scribbles and elaborate school girl poems she realised that her future lay in the world of the ‘word pervert’.

After completing her Media Studies degree at Teesside University she shunned the allure of London to reside in the comfort of big old Leeds. A chance meeting with the, then, editor of a dangerously risqué guide named Itchy turned into the beginning of her writing career.  After a short while Penny Lee became the Editor of Itchy Leeds, and has also produced various other pieces for publication.

Available for Features, Reviews, News Stories, Business Documents and PR, she is currently building a portfolio that will soon blow your mind.

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Portfolio- yo

'Diva Italiana' press release
O2 Wireless Festival 2007 Preview
'Great Valentine's Swindle' feature
Itchy 2007: Editors Intro
'An Alternative Xmas' feature
'Best Alternative Music Policy' Itchy Leeds feature
Itchy Leeds Editors Blog #3
Itchy Leeds Editors Blog #2
Itchy Leeds Editors Blog #1
'Leeds Best Breakfasts' Itchy Leeds feature
'Quirky Decor'Itchy Leeds feature
Itchy Leeds Editors Reviews Pt1 Pt2 Pt3

Games

Go get some bored games baby...

Giggles and fits with TwistedOutlook.com... games, articles and funnies...

Restaurant - Diva Italiana

New Authentic Tuscan Restaurant In Leeds
Pudsey 25th April 2007

Diva Italiana Bar & Trattoria in Pudsey is inviting customers to indulge in a world of succulent food with a Tuscan heritage and speciality wines authentically poured from the barrel, proudly served in carafes.

The menu is delicately infused with moments of history as the owners vow to cook ‘like it used to be’. The humble style of cooking creates unexpected tastes for customers as they experience genuine examples of old age favourites.................

For further information please contact Samantha Lawrence
Telephone: 0113 255 5810
mobile: 07929 963924
email: info@divaitaliana.co.uk 
Web: www.divaitaliana.co.uk

O2 Wireless Festival Preview
Harewood House
15th – 17th June 2007

Still buzzing off the atmosphere of last years event? Well you best get your festival togs on and your beer goggles at the ready because Harewood House is hosting the best O2 Wireless Festival yet. Being held on 15th, 16th and 17th of June its bigger and louder than before with an extra stage, oodles of Environmental issues sorted and possibly the best set of bands we’ve seen since the good old days of pre 2001 MTV2. That’s 3 full days of Rock, Indie and Electro to keep you out of trouble featuring White Stripes, Kaiser Chiefs and the pant-wettingly good Daft Punk headlining a night each.

So, think you can handle it? Pop a pin in your festival map and get ready to pitch up at the stunning grounds around Harewood House for the beginning of the improved O2 Wireless Festivals stint of annual explosive music led weekends. Without a doubt there will be more than a few bands that you’d secretly like to lick the faces of including Queens of The Stone Age (yes, Itchy Leeds would lick the face of Josh Homme given a smidgen of a chance), Air and The Klaxons, not to mention the huge Mark Ronson (Itchy imagines a Mark Ronson shaped Stay Puft Marshmallow Man stomping through the fest) and in the organisers own words a ‘Yorkshire for Yorkshire’ line up including Kaiser Chiefs, The Cribs, Pigeon Detectives and many more planned for the newly introduced 4th stage this year.

After a bit of cosmetic surgery and a personality adjustment the O2 Wireless Festival is offering pure ‘Fest-ness’ designed to induce matted and mussed up hair, camouflage make-up and massive sunnies to hide your beautiful sleep deprived peepers from the rest of the world. However, take heed hedonists of Leeds and afar… for this is no ordinary smash and grab affair. You can also contribute to the environment by making use of the £5 return shuttle bus from Leeds train station in the hope of cutting down on private transport and instead of trashing your tent in celebration of another successful ‘high as a kite’ festival, leave it there and it will be magically transported to Africa for charity.
Another Eviro-Friendly bonus could net you a little shrapnel too, every beer cup that you take back to the bar gets you 20p of cold, hard cash… easy money you say? Yes but that 20p is the deposit from the beer you bought in the first place, so keep hold of em or risk losing your coinage to some random floor fumbling desperado. If you really want to know why, then check out your recycle bins at next years event and remember the time you drank out of the plastic that they’re made from.

So now your armed and legless with all of the facts, don’t forget your Hawaiian Tropic and your fancy hat, take along a cheap tent (to leave un-trashed) and for poodles sake make sure you don’t forget your ticket or you’ll miss out on some of the hottest bands available. Take note White Stripes fans, this is a rare opportunity to see them due to Jack White's missus popping out a sprog and as QOTSA’s British tour history goes, we advise you take this chance whilst you can.

Tickets are still available to purchase through www.o2wirelessfestival.co.uk. Hopefully now you get the general gist of the wondrous offerings of this years O2 Wireless Festival you will be sparking at the flint to get involved, so go now…go. If not, why don’t you just finish work on the Friday, pop round to Grannies house for a brew, pitch up on the pee-soaked sofa and have a wild weekend talking about your criminal Uncle Peter over a nice bit of lumpy cake ‘our Debs, Penny, James, Chris….. erm…I mean our Janice made’.

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The Great Valentine’s Swindle
February 2007

What’s the most Clichéd thing about Valentines Day? I’ll tell you shall I? It’s writing about the clichés about Valentines Day. But, I’m going to do it anyway because for the first year ever I’m really confused by it all, overwhelmed in fact.

Here I am living in Leeds, apparently one of the sexiest cities in the UK, living with the man I love, who is by the way, the sexiest man in the UK (har di har har) and I find myself completely out on a limb as far as what to do on the loveliest day of the year.

Lets try and figure out why together… quickly. At school, we are mortified if no- one gives us a card and we are still elegantly devastated if we only receive one or two- lets face it, at school you were aiming for at least five. Blah, blah, blah skip a few years and on to the stage where you actually start getting less and less cards due to the fact the boys are no longer infatuated with you because they can actually get laid now, and they do, generally with anyone they can, bless them its all new.

No, ‘tis true that the best time to appreciate Valentines Day is during your first serious (up to two months of course) relationships and best of all, long distance ones. The flowers, the cards, the chocolates- all of it. Its all so red and dramatic and new and simply gorgeous, and that’s it… that there, that’s what we miss when we inevitably have other money commitments and finally realise that we are being ripped off by the whole thing. We all used to think that old people were just bitter, rotten roses when they would say that it was just a money making event and a commercial scam but here we are getting crumbly about it too when the reality of it all hits us right in our romantic expectations.

This is where my confusion has bubbled up from. I so want to feel the giddiness of being completely Stilton for one day of the year. I want to get some massive red, pink and silver balloons filled with helium and attach them to a helpless little teddy holding a juicy heart stating how much I love my man. The posh teddy will be accompanied by a skyscraper sized card with super 3D letters on the front and of course, another teddy stuck on there for good measures. Once the card is opened up and the cheesy sound of some old crooner announcing my love has played I want to take my man by his massive hands and lead him to the bathroom to find a rose petal filled steaming bathtub surrounded by Lush candles.

So there you have it, that is what I want and that is what I have never experienced and that is possibly what I will never have. And, to be honest, as much as that is my dream Valentines Day I’m also pretty sure that I would feel like a complete fraud for dedicating as much money as it costs and as much effort as it takes to just that one day. Of course, if it were to happen there would be all sorts of sweet extras that would only end up bumping up the price even more.

This week, after calling approximately one thousand, two hundred and seventy four restaurants, I was about as happy as Jack Tweed (Jade’s charismatic boyfriend, in case you’d already forgot) in any exciting situation to learn that it would cost between £30 and £60 each to get into any mediocre restaurant around our town on one of their Valentine ‘deals’. ‘Deals’… yes you did read correctly. That’s about as good a deal as turning up at Primark with a fiver and leaving with half an item. Surely, the ‘deal’ part of a romantic deal should be a more sumptuous menu accompanied by added extras such as roses on the table and a complimentary glass of wine surrounded by an atmosphere fit for falling in love in. Fair enough, charge a little extra for your troubles but come on... rip off.

At the end of it all, I am a girl, a girly girl and if my guy wanted to go over the top I would dutifully feel like a princess and appreciate it for the rest of my life (well… at least a year of it anyway), there’s nothing better for a girl than to be showered with love and kisses along with all of the above brought to us with a smile but the thing is it just ain’t going to happen.

So for us girls there are many pro’s and many con’s to an overt Valentine’s Day but luckily for me there’s one special man that has made me smile, caused me to laugh uncontrollably and from the start of my relationship has helped me to discover new things and re-assess my attitude to popular culture… Simon Pegg.

Yay… Hurrah… Hot Fuzz is finally out… one year and three months after I first got addicted to Spaced, ‘Tim’ and ‘Mike’ finally get back together for another stooopidly funny collaboration. Not only that but it features some of Britain’s best comedic talent around. A bit random I hear you think… not really because it was my man who introduced me to Spaced and whilst he was miles away from me, I watched it to death whilst reading his cheeky texts and smiling like a silly little girl. That’s why ill be spending this year’s magic date snuggling up in the cinema laughing my tits off.

So there we have it, this Valentine’s Day in particular I say ditch the overdraft rape and stick to what you know. Cosy up in the cinema instead of getting ripped off at a poncy restaurant and lord it up at Nando’s afterwards… perfect I say.

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Itchy 2007

And with the touch of an angel and the cheek of a monkey, Itchy prances through the streets of Leeds bragging at the top of its sultry voice “oi, people… what the hell are you doing? Let’s get involved” Don’t go thinking were some poncy guide that’s going to give you the simple facts about a place, if you want that then we don’t want you touching our sexy little cover.

In Newcastle they have the Geordies and in London they have the cock-a-neys but in Leeds I do believe we have the best nick name of all… Loiners. With Loiners like comedy genius Julian Barratt, crazy Indie kids The Music and, of course, the ever popular (and bizarrely sexy) Chris Moyles we need to raise the profile and head for a revival of the word. As for many of the non- Leeds born readers of ours… be proud to live here because Leeds Met gained an award in 2006 from The Times Higher for ‘Outstanding Contributions to the Community’, which probably means that they are constantly contributing to the drunken nightlife, cutesy little vintage shops and of course the head-wear placed upon the statues in front of The Old Post Office every September.

So, full of goodness and bursting at the seams with naughtiness, Itchy is your long lost soul mate. We’re the chum who has the skins, we’re the pal that knows the door staff and we’re the buddy that has a friend who knows someone that can get you the best table in the restaurant. Yes, we have landed in 2007 and we will make sure that your time in Leeds is the wildest, tastiest and most eventful episode of your life. There may be times when we all just sit in watching 80’s classics and eating plastic popcorn but you can guarantee that we’ll make up for it when the night after brings the sweetest cocktails, the sexiest bar staff and one hell of a hangover the morning after.

Not just gossip fiends or secret tellers, we’ll give you the skinny on new shops or hidden gems in the cluster of restaurants and bars. Local designers Lisa Jayne Dann and James Steward have opened a new design lounge above the Victoria Quarter’s Aqua where the fashion perverts amongst us can pick up bespoke garments or fancy commissioned pieces. There’s new places to stay like Roomzzz with their serviced apartments, The Calls Grill is now an Argentinean steak house called The River Plate and if you’ve not been down to Norman in a while, get down, get in and get smooth with their new alpine look. Don’t ever let Itchy leave your side because without us, you’ll end up fine dining at a popular finger food style Scottish restaurant where every meal begins with Mc and drinking pop in a sweaty club surrounded by your untrustworthy friends, Cazbo, Shazbo and Dazbo all dressed in fake designer tat. Don’t do it to yourself and don’t do it to Leeds… live the dream plastic Loiners, live it good.

An alternative Xmas in Leeds
Christmas 2006

Everyone does the same old bullshit at Christmas. So we’re not going to. What we want to do is to try and come up with some interesting ways that one might go about spending Christmas in your city.

Dress Down Xmas

Oooo party fantastic, everyone gets all glittery and golden around Xmas. The hand bags get smaller, the make- up gets heavier and the hair gets stiffer. There’s something about Xmas that makes us all forget about comfort. Yeh, yeh, we know, Xmas is supposed to be a really special time when we forget about the luxuries we’re used to and move on to better ones but why do we have to go through such an effort to receive them? Now, we can think of nothing more comfortable than our very own beds and that’s why this year we want to see hoards of party goers out in their PJ’s. You got it, go out in your comfiest slippers, pop on you pastel all- in- one and replace your fancy jacket with your wrap around fleece bed sheet. If anyone complains, tell them you’re a student and you’re out on fancy dress.

Alternative Xmas dinner

Around Xmas you’ll probably eat an allotments worth of veg and a farms worth of meat so no wonder you eat take- away for the rest of the year. You’ll need to eat dinner with your family, your friends and your work mates. It’s always the same when you eat out, everyone gets pissed up and by the time the starter finally arrives you can’t even be arsed to eat anything… but you still do and even though just a mere ten minutes ago you thought you’d throw up at the sight of food, you still complain when the plate of cold veg and plastic Turkey is shot on the table in front of you. Do something different this year and sort out a fiery alternative to the festivities and get involved in a little culture. Organise a meal at Viva Cuba or turn up the heat in Akbars. Maybe then we will be a bit more healthy for the rest of the year. See you on the flip side.

Boxing day BBQ

We don’t know about you but we are sick of eating nothing but Gammon sandwiches and Turkey Curry on Boxing day, in fact we’re pretty convinced that it’s those things that cause all of the arguments between loving families, not to mention that it seems the only time of year when it’s ‘ok’ to eat food that’s been left out for days on the kitchen side. We’re sick of it, and now that we are all grown- ups… we can do what the hell we like. That’s why this year we’ll be celebrating with a freezing cold ‘Barbie on the balcony‘. Yes that’s right, we are shunning mum’s gourmet Xmas home cooking, setting up the hot coals outside and tipping the day upside down with a bit of Aussie charm. Hell, why not pick up some hammocks and set them up around the house for a bit of Après BBQ slumber… Bonza.

Ice Rinks?

Look, we don’t live in New York and we sure as hell don’t live in London so why do we try and pretend we do when Xmas comes round? Ah, the romantic notions of ice- skating in the snow followed by a satisfying cup of Hot Chocolate in the city, all cosily wrapped up in our mittens and bobble hats… hello there, hi, this is Leeds. Why? Why should we try it when in reality you will probably fall over and end up with a dirty bruise on your arse and when you slip on your sweetest party dress for New Year it looks like a crack addicts day out? Well as far as we’re concerned you shouldn’t have to and neither should anyone else. This is the plan… find an ice rink and just go about your day as normal. If you need to cross Millennium square to get from one bar to the next, don’t feel like you should have to walk around the public area that’s inconsiderately covered in ice, go over it as you usually would. Just walk right over that massive rink as though it wasn’t there. If you really want to go all out, stage a protest against it, make banners and form a barrier around it only allowing children through (no- one will ever suspect that their bruises are caused by a dirty addiction… so they are allowed).

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Ah, there they go, trapped in their generic, predictable music bubble. Little do they realise that there are people out there that still use instruments to create music… yes, music. If you’d rather prance to The Kills, grind to DFA or rock to Queens of The Stone Age then check out the places that we recommend you get involved in. The Cockpit is Leeds den of alternative music, feeding our live bands addiction and soothing our dirty pretty souls. For something a lot darker, send your tainted love to its haven in Subculture to experience heavy rock and screaming lyrics. But if the idea of hell on earth sends you into a fit of frozen fear, pop on your fancy vintage dresses and skinny jeans and shuffle about in The Faversham for some Indie, Electro, Rock and Punk. We’re nearly there Leeds, just a little bit more cheese to sweep up and our city will be the colour of cool.

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Itchy Editors Blog #3

Ladies, with the party season upon us, there's nothing worse than the old spider's legs popping out when your trying to look sexy for your fella in your new La Sensa goodies. But beware, whilst shaving can leave you looking like you've been dragged through a nettle bush, waxing can feel like your insides are being slowly ripped out through the pores of your skin. Here's a few tips from the sweeties down at Mint to make the experience a little more bearable.
Hair should be at least 1/8 inch long. If it isn't it will hurt like mad and not all of it will come out.
If possible, avoid tight clothing afterwards
Avoid exposure to the sun or UV tanning for up to 48 hours after treatment
Wait 24 hours to exfoliate the skin and use Witch Hazel cream to avoid in- grown hairs.
Make sure the water in shower is not too hot on the waxed area for the first 24 hours
And lastly a big thank you to the lady at Mint who did my Brazilian and an apology for the screams of pain, you were very sweet not to slap me in the face and tell me to stop being such a baby!

Hurrah everybody, it’s finally acceptable for us all to pop on our best togs and rock up to the AA. Hell, why not take the kids along too, I guarantee they’ll love it, that good old family day out has finally returned and as for the teenagers who are bored stupid with nothing to do, running around the streets hugging their friends cos they cant get into gigs, send em along too. Nope, I’m not talking about Alcoholics Anonymous but a new event organisation that has got itself a passport and crossed the border from London.

All Ages Concerts began life in the big smoke due to the lack of places for people of all ages to enjoy. AAC believe that music is such a huge part of teenagers lives that they shouldn’t have to miss out on the live music action that the rest of us enjoy over a beer. Of course it wouldn’t be fair to leave out the over 18s so they let them enjoy the shenanigans too.

This type of event could cut out the kind of underage drinking and late nights that parents across Britain have sleepless nights over and, if they are cool enough, their kids can take them along. It would be a great way to bridge the gap and an attempt at instilling a sense of community into a large city like Leeds.

Far from being like an afternoon at a school disco, the younger clientele are treated with as much respect as any of the adults and according to promoters things can get a bit wild with certain bands “After a constant stream of stage divers throughout the entire night, Les Incompétents’ final song saw bedlam unleashed”. Lets hope it goes down like that at The Faversham on Saturday 16th December from 2pm- 6pm, its open to 14s and over so squeeze into your skinny jeans, cake on the black eyeliner and shimmy on down. Add them on your myspace or just check them out for the line up on myspace.com/allageconcerts.

Here at Itchy we love a bit of bedlam so combining the energy of youngsters with the music appreciation of adults, we think AAC have got one hell of a winning combination. Good luck with your innovations.

Back in the gutter we go gossip heathens, it's rife this week and it's no hush hush affair. As I’m sure you've all seen in the Sundays', Emmerdale actor Ben Freeman has been shockingly accused of raping a sixteen year old girl whilst on holiday with his family in Barbados. Like life imitating crap art it seems that there may be no end to the troubled stars bad episodes. Freeman's character Scott Windsor went through similar trials in ITV's long- standing Yorkshire soap and has shocked his leagues of young adoring fans with this most recent indiscretion. Guess we won't be seeing him pottering about Kirkstall Morrisons looking all cocky for a while.

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Itchy Editors Blog #2

Ey up sweeties, Itchy is here to fill you in on the details of real life in Leeds. Now,  I’m not messing around here, so you’ll find out what I’m loving and what I’m hating right now without sugar-coating the poison. First of all… McFly… yes… McFly. I’m sorry but I thought we’d all gotten over those little ‘Emo Pop’ puppets, so excuse me for thinking that we lived in a cool city but can we get a clue here please and next year get someone for the grown- ups too. Phew… that’s that over with but I have to mention the train from Headingley to Leeds. Now for those of you that get this train with me every morning you’ll be pleased to know that the conductor said that they are getting an extra carriage next month so we can stop feeling like a box of cigs under a Spanish sun.

Onto the wonder stuff- bars. Call Lane is my new fave. Walking into Norman’s (36 Call Lane 0113 234 3988) last Friday felt like being zipped up into a Prada bag full of goodness, it’s a confirmed winter wonderland and they don’t mess about with drinks deals either, what you see is what you get. The City Centre is fab but don’t forget to look in the guide for places on the outskirts. The Millrace (2-6 Commercial Rd 0113 275 7555), in Kirkstall, is a diamond in the rough. They serve British food in tasty combinations like black pudding, pork knuckle (try not to think about that too much) and deep fried poached egg as a starter. Then once you’re too full too hold in your belly, head upstairs to the lounge for a cheeky cig and a bottle of wine.

For something a bit different this week, I went for one of the weirdest experiences of my life. I lay practically naked inside of a giant egg, floating on mega salty water for an hour. I must say that I was dubious about the whole thing but after floating in pure darkness, and silence I was giddy with questions about when I can do it again and how much it will cost. The poor girl on reception must have thought I was losing it because I wouldn’t shut up afterwards about how awesome it was and that for the first five or ten minutes it felt like I was spinning. Give it a try at Just Float (64 North St 0113 243 3800), about ten minutes walk from the train station, its only £32 per session and it will take away the stress that city life pounds upon us.

Keep watching this space gossip fiends, I’ve heard a rumour about a super- famous persons semi- famous sister, a pub and a major scuffle. Maybe its scary behaviour like this that ended her superb (hmm) acting career. Ill be sure to keep you posted.

Take care of yourself… and each other…

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Itchy Editors Blog #1

Good news comedy lovers and wasters, if you don't already know I suggest you get involved because The Mighty Boosh Live DVD came out last Monday. I went to see the live show in Newcastle last year and me and my man couldn't wait to see it again after pissing our pants with giggles. The show has all of the old faves in it including "I'm ooold Greeeeeeegg, I got a mangina" (honestly... get involved), Naboo, Bollo and who can forget lairy American- Bob "I don't like cricket" Fossil. I'll leave a couple of the other characters as a surprise but believe me you'll freak out when you see them. Did you know that Julian Barratt aka Howard Moon was born in Leeds? he's funny as funk and he's one of us! hurrah.

Right I think you should know that The Music are on at The Cockpit (Swinegate, 0113 244 1573) and I’m ridiculously sorry that I didn’t tell you all last week but the tickets went on sale on Saturday at seetickets.com, crashrecords.com or jumborecords.com. Good luck because I get the feeling that they’ll sell out pretty damn quick. Look out at the venue or online (the cockpit.co.uk ) for loads of other awesome bands because they are never short. I’ll see you all on the 9th December getting intimate with The Music.

On to something completely different, and be prepared because I’m about to talk really dirty to you… filthy… wet… hot and smelly. smelly? Toilets you perverts… we leave that sort of talk till the sun goes down. So why toilets? Girls get sick of toilets being blocked up by the last of the toilet paper that they should be able to use, getting a wet arse when they sit on the side of the sink and of course the dreaded heel loving scraps on the floor that you end up dragging through the bar. Guys, well, I’m not sure exactly what guys hate about their toilets but I’m sure its much of the same. So believe it or not there is an award for sparkling loo’s doing the rounds and the winner of The Loo of The Year Award given by the British Toilet Association is… dum dum daaaaaaaaaam… Suburban Style Bar (5 Stainbeck Lane, Chappell Allerton, (0113) 237 4374). Not just any award but a five star award. So congratulations to you guys and keep up the good work. British Toilet Association… sorry… British Toilet Association… yes.

Last weeks celeb gossip took place in The Star pub so if your up for seeing someone’s career go down the pan, apparently the ex- soap actress is a regular. This week I’ve got a bit of old gossip for you that should make people be more careful about what they get up to in their private time. A couple of years ago a certain Bradford sports star was out celebrating one of his stag nights in a northern town and let's just say that most of the guys weren't very genuine to their girlfriends that night. Punters in a well known student bar chain were shocked as the mighty men bought crates of alco- pops and enjoyed the ladies that went over to 'say hello'. So fellas beware, I know which lock in you went into afterwards and which girls (and how many) you were with. I'm no bully but Let that be a lesson to you.

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Leeds Best Breakfasts

Breakfast means something different for everyone, so here’s the skinny on where to get it your way. There’s nothing better, when ‘break’ing that sleepy ‘fast’, than to rock up to Bagel Nash for an amazing speedy treat. There’s a massive variety of choice, and for a quid you can buy an addictive cream cheese filling in any of their bagels. However, if you’re a party fiend of Headingley, and a trip into town would be too much for your delicate tummy, fill up on a full English at Brett’s to pump your body full of the greasy goodness that it needs. Although, this heavy food will probably not set you up for a day of  “very important phone calls at the office ”, so if a healthy start is your bag, then Whistle Stop offers cereal packs,  muesli with yoghurt or fresh fruit to take to with. Have a nice day now.

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There’s always something individual about the new bar in town that’s about as surprising as “I’ll have a pint … and your phone number” is to a barmaid. We scoured the depths of our ever changing city to bring you the kooky and quirky, the retro and metro and those full of goodness and childhood memories. So if you’re after something with the appeal of a back to back Button Moon and munchies session skip over to Fab Café. Don’t be surprised when you see a load of Daleks around, its not you… they’re really there. Alternative music mixed with the fine ornaments of a geeky teenage boys bedroom. For something a million times more classy, shimmy up to Normans on Call Lane. Chandeliers, wood ‘sauna’ style walls and the wintry feel of the toilets, give it our vote. For the more retro style, Baby Jupiter has the music, the décor and the atmosphere.

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Leeds Reviews

The Box
(0113) 224 9266
8 Otley Road, Leeds
In the midst of what, at night, looks like a cheap holiday resort there’s nothing striking about this Headingley venue. Its the ugly sister of Trio and Arc, and tends to be full of overgrown chickens and other hilarious (hmm) fancy dress outfits. If you're not grown up enough to know that shouting at the bar staff and waving your money in their faces won't get you served, then you'll be fine here. For some reason they like it, leaving those of us that aren’t squeaky little slappers or cocky little pricks getting pushed around the bar sober and pissed off.
Mon–Fri 10am–11pm; Sat 10am–1am; Sun 10am–12.30am.

Bar Home
Arch X, GranaryWharf, Leeds
(0113) 245 6555
If your ready to risk your pretty little life to walk through the tunnels of the shadow of Leeds Railway lines, then shimmy on through and rock up at Bar Home, its well worth the light at the end. Down on the mish mash of Granary Wharf, you can hide away from the scary, cold concrete world that lurks on the outside and thank your lucky stars you pulled a tall dark business man so he can run you home in his Merc.
Mon- Wed 12pm-9.30pm, Thur- Sat 12pm- 11pm; Food Mon- Sat 12pm- 6pm

The Elbow Room
(0113) 245 7011
64 Call Lane, Leeds
Ah finally, a place to go and shoot some pool and pretend we’re New York Gangstas for a while without worrying about who the dude in the tracky is eyeing up your ciggy. Good god, it’s nice to be able to listen to uber cool music and prance around your pool cue like a rock star before launching yourself onto one of the sofas and tucking into your cheesy chips. The Elbow Room plays cool music, so if you know what QOTSA and DFA stand for, I’ll see you there sweet thing.
Sun- Thurs 12pm- 1am, Fri- Sat 12pm- 2am

Mook
(0113) 245 9967
Hirsts Yard, Leeds
If you don’t mook hard enough you’ll miss it (pah). The name sounds like an Anime movie about a small Japanese girl searching for her parents after they were kidnapped from their village for having super powers. In reality, the search is still on, as you battle the evils of the alleyway to get to the watering hole, you come face to face with the prettiest in the land and then ye shall see the light. Ah finally, you have found the chic little hideaway from the evils of the town. Relax my friend. Your work is done.
Sun-Thu 12pm-1pm, Fri-Sat 12pm-2am

Dry Dock
Woodhouse Lane, Leeds
(0113) 203 1841
‘Ahoy there matey, ye haven’t seen me vessel around these ways have ye?’ Ah we chuckle about the puns, but to be fair if a man with an eye patch did ask you that question you’d slap a sexual harassment suit on his chops. The Dry Dock is set in the middle of the sea sick troubled part of town that is invaded by dirty pirate hookers every night. Part of the ‘Scream’ student chain, they offer awesome drinks deals and extras with your yellow card, this place is meant for pure, filthy fun.
Every day 12pm-2am

The Library
229 Woodhouse Lane, Leeds
(0113) 244 0794
Oh, how clever are those ‘Scream’ people? Where do students go when they say they are off to the Library? The pub, but the library is the pub. I mean the pub is the library, I mean the books are drinks, no… drinks are books… what? Words are bubbles, thoughts are hops, library cards are yellow, oh man that’s it, the trees do go round the sun, yeh they do, no you’re wrong, right? So they navigate what… ah studies, studies, studies…
Mon-Wed 12pm-1am, Thurs- Sat 12pm- 2am, Sun 12pm-12.30pam

1–15 Hirsts Yard, Briggate
(0113) 245 6595
Four shots of darkness, six shots of sexy, five shots of style, nine shots of intelligent cocktails, seven shots of funky music, unlimited shots of high street honey and change at the end of the night to sweeten. Throw mixture into perfect sized shaker with portions of cool and a twist of class, juggle smoothly to a wide eyed, grinning audience, pop shaker and serve with love to as many of the people of Leeds that know how to appreciate personal service and an atmosphere that is heavy with happiness inducing air.

Chino Latino
ParkPlaza, City Square
(0113) 380 4000
Pretend you're sick, wait for your parents to go out, stuff your bed with you-shaped pillows and play a recording of your disease-ridden voice on a loop. Then, pop on your denim, go and TWOC your best friend's dad's Ferrari, pick up the girl of your dreams, see a parade, then drive the Ferrari out of a massive window. Once you've beaten up your headmaster, get over your crazy day off by supping cocktails and grooving in Chino Latino. Ouuum-bop-bop, mmm-chik-chika-chika, ouum-bop-bop, aaaawww chika chika...
Mon-Sat 12pm-3pm, Mon-Sat 6pm-10.30pm, Sun 6pm-10pm

The Mixing Tin
9 Albion Street, Leeds
(0113) 246 8899
Like the Big Issue seller who performs in the streets every evening outside of Wilko’s, The Mixing Tin is not up for subtly enticing its customers. Walking by head hanging low because you’ve just spent the money you earned that week in town, your body is bolted towards the open doors of the basement venue by the music playing loudly outside. Next time don’t buy that top and stop off for some live music action and mix it up.
Mon- Sat 12pm- late- Check for gig times

Las Iguanas
7 Greek Street
(0113) 243 9533
Las drunkos amongst us are all fully aware of La Mexicana Tequila, thee Scoooootash Whisky and de Raashan Wodka but here’s a new one for you… Brazils national drink Cachaça. A night in Las Iguanas is pretty surreal if you concentrated too hard on the mosaic table tops and Latin fancy wear but give the native drink a try, its not as painful as their national waxing and not as sharp as their footy team. If your more into the real thing then hop on a plain to Brazil and visit Las Iguanas very own sugar cane field to attempt a five finger discount.
Mon- Thu 12pm- 11pm,  Fri & Sat 12pm- 11.30pm, Sun 12pm- 10.30pm

Oracle
3 Brewery Place
(0113) 246 9912
Oracle is something special for those that adorn the City Centre in their suits and oversized golfing umbrellas by day and sleek up by night for a fabulous night of chat and giggle’s for playtime. The interior is designed exclusively thoughtful of elegance and luxury, mixing Indian with Baroque. Naughtiness and haughtiness with bubbles and a squeak of food porn, mix the funky music and tempting atmosphere with the cash that you worked hard to splash. Lean back, pose and enjoy the pride.
Ground Floor: Mon- Sat 11am- 12am, Sun 10am- 10pm. First Floor: Mon- Sat 6pm- 2am, Sun pm- 12.30am

Barracuda
20 Woodhouse Lane
(0113) 244 1212
The Barracuda; an elongated deep sea swimmer with a very ugly mug. He stalks his pray before pouncing with unbeatable speed. Known to have taken a cheeky bite out of innocent divers and repented once the taste didn’t satisfy their culinary satisfactions… there you go, we do research our work. The bar, however can be simply described as a place to go after a few too many and a good opportunity to dance to ‘I don’t like cricket’ in the style of The Mighty Boosh.
Mon-Wed 11am-11pm, Thu 11am-12am, Fri-Sat 11am-2am, Sun 12pm-11pm

The Fenton
Woodhouse Lane
(0113) 245 3908
About as diverse as a BBC equality statement and as British pub-like as The Rovers Return. If you’re a rebellious student wishing to while away your days avoiding the faculty, head elsewhere. Or if you’re a rebellious student wishing to while away your days getting afternoon drunk and chatting up the faculty then this is the place to guzzle. You never know who you might find here and you may get lucky and find a couple of stray exam papers dotted about around the passed out lecturers.
Mon-Fri 11.30am-11pm, Sat 12pm-11pm, Sun 12pm-10.30pm

Woodies Ale House
104 Otley Rd, Leeds
(0113) 278 4393
The first stop of the Otley Run, this is the pub that Fat Friends was filmed in. Aaaaaaaand… we’ve come to the end of The Woodies achievements. It’s quiet, it has a pool table, it serves beer… it’s a pub. If you’ve been on the Otley Run or are a major fan of Fat Friends (or if you are a character in Fat Friends) you’ve probably been here, otherwise you probably haven’t, you probably wouldn’t remember.
Mon-Sat 11am-11pm, Sun 12pm-10.30pm

Evolution
Cardigan Fields, Kirkstall
(0113) 263 2632
www.clubevolution.co.uk
“Hmm… think about it… a cinema, a gym, restaurants… what else can we stick in our little entertainment village… Oh I know lets put a nightclub in there too… no… are you kidding it‘ll be great, there‘s students everywhere here… we can make it like the nightclubs everyone used to go to when they were sixteen and we can have surf machines, rodeos, cheap drinks and general cheese… oh they‘ll love it” Well, we don’t but someone will. So if you like the sound of all of the above, please feel free to stay out of town away from us.
Mon–Tue & Thu–Sat 10pm–2.30am

The Wardrobe
6 St Peters Buildings
(0113) 383 8800
www.the-wardrobe.co.uk
As we’ve grown up we have gone from all- in- one baby grows through all- in- one lunch boxes to all- in- one cocktails and now we move on to all- in- one venues. Walk into the Wardrobe and it opens up like Narnia supplying us with a bar, restaurant and downstairs a hidden gem of a club. Not only all of that but it has live acts playing regularly. So if you’re a funky music and jazz fan them skeeebab a doodle am on down.
Mon-Sat 12pm- Late

Club Mission
8 – 13 Heatons CourtLeeds.
(0870) 122 0114
www.clubmission.com
Sweeties, this is your mission if you choose to accept it: rendezvous at a funky bar disguised from above and full of funky little cats like you. Sample an array of alcoholic drinks to test for deadly poison then, once you get the all clear, move on to your checkpoint… the club. Once in the club slip out of your thermal clothing and intercept the bar. The final part of your mission is to penetrate the dance floor and get in touch with the music. This mission is of the utmost importance to your credibility with in the company of Leeds. Do your duty.
Open times vary between 10pm- 9am depending on night- see website

Pasta Romagna
26 Albion Place, 
Leeds
(0113) 245 1569
Beware- if you enter this café you will not be allowed to leave without eating. The staff appear to be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome under the rule of opera singing Mrs Walker and do not, under any circumstances, look the Italian bombshell in the eye, unless you want to be humiliated by her genuine Mediterranean charm in front of the whole cosy café. The pizza’s are tasty but the pasta is a let down as she scoops up the ready cooked twirls, pours on the sauce and zaps it in the microwave right in front of you. A very interesting experience.
Mon- sun 8am- 6pm

Trio Bar and Grill
44 North Lane, Headingley
(0113) 2036090
It’s a bit like walking into Harvey Nick’s and seeing nothing but fluffy boots and tracky tops, its definitely not what you’d expect to see but once you get past the Asda café style main seating area and over to the few tables amongst the wine racks, it feels like a TV chef is going to come out and take your order. Its one of those restaurants where you don’t get loads of food on your plate but you’ll be dreaming about what you had for days afterwards. For a decent price you can eat like a queen amongst other boho Trio lovers.
Mon-Sat 5pm-11pm, Sun 5pm-10.30pm
House Wine £10.50


Halo
Trinity St Davids Church, Woodhouse Lane
(0113) 245 9263
www.haloleeds.com
Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, they kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in Halo…  drinketh the most righteous spirit in the land, moveth to the most well known cheese in the universe and falleth into the deepest gutter in the street. We’re guessing that when the church was built for the good people of oldie worldy Leeds, they had no idea that the future would kick it in the arse by allowing a uni to be built around it and thousands of students to flock there for some of the devils fun.
Mon-Sun 9pm-3.30am

The Slug and Lettuce
14 Park Row, Leeds
(0113) 244 9209
Well, slap my bare faced cheek and remind me that this is a restaurant because I haven’t got a clue what its trying to be. It’s a mixture between something that could be a stylish bar, if it could be arsed, and a brewery pub found on the edge of a duel carriageway gauntlet. Their food is very tasty and with a decent choice but like any chain restaurant it gives you that feeling of food déjà vu that makes you feel stupid for paying for it. The décor is pleasing, the staff are nice blah blah blah blah blah.
Mon- Thu 7.30am- 10pm, Fri- Sat 9am- 10pm, Sun 9.30am-10pm
House Wine £11.95

Sala Thai
13-17 Shaw Lane, Leeds
(0113) 278 8400
Good Thai restaurant for a night out with new friends, the menu is simple and full of the usual but the atmosphere is fantastic. You’d be forgiven for choosing a future with a young internet Thai bride after checking out the waitresses in their traditional uniforms, and imagining wooing them with your wealth before demanding that they cook food like that for you every night. So keep your dad well away so he doesn’t get any ideas but this is definitely one of those regular affairs.
Mon-Sat 6pm-10.30pm
House Wine £8.50

Amigos
70 Abbey Rd, Kirkstall, Leeds
(0113) 228 3737
Ariba, ariba amigos, roll on down to the bottom of the hill near Kirkstall Abbey and enter into one of the houses dressed up as a Spanish café. Family run tapas bar offering genuine food and genuine service at a really good price is surrounded by sweet terraces that you would never want to live in, in fear of becoming an Amigos addict. Look forward to the food but look forward more to the enjoyment you’ll have in this cosy little place.
Mon-sat 5.30pm -11pm

Casa Mia Grande
33 - 37 Harrogate Road, Chapel Allerton
(0870) 444 5157
“Ey baby, woop woop, sexy lady ey”. Lets be honest, that wouldn’t exactly be the best chat up line even if he were a sexy Italian? Well, if Casa Mia was a man, that’s exactly what he would say before asking you back to his “casa”. He would be a smart looking guy with naughty intentions. Hair slicked back, he would treat you with respect and do anything you want, and he would feed you only the best pizzas, pasta and other special treats. Then the moment to leave would come, and although he doesn’t seem that interested, you’re pining for more.
Mon- Thur 12pm - 2.30 pm & 5.30 pm - 10.30 pm, Fri - Sat 12pm - 2.30 pm & 5.30 pm - 11pm, Sun12:30 pm -9.30 pm

Residence6
The Old Post Office, City Square
(0113) 285 6250
Serviced apartments like a home from home. If daddy’s loaded and coming to visit, book him in here or if your new beau earns enough to buy a small island then this is the place in Leeds to live it up. If not, take a look at the website and give yourself a goal in life. Un-funkin-believable.
Room prices vary from £150- £475 depending on availability see www.residencesix.co.uk

Leeds Bradford International Airport
(0113) 250 9696
www.lbia.co.uk
Visit LBIA in mainland Britain. A modern village close to the city of Leeds, it has an ever expanding tourism industry providing jobs for the local communities. Ancient LBIA folklore has it that there lurks a colony of giant flying beasts that must be given hundreds of human sacrifices each day.

Virgin Active Pure Fitness
91 Great George St, Leeds
(0113) 244 1200
Lets face it, there’s no chance of becoming a virgin again but the chances of becoming active, pure and fit are greatly bettered after a visit to Virgin Active Pure Fitness.

Golf
Never mind pub golf at Uni or Tiger Woods on the 360, get yourself out for some fresh air, take your stick and letting go of that stress by whacking a baby football off a ledge into a floodlit field. Practice your swing, learn the lingo and relax your mind whilst getting rid of your Christmas Pudding belly. Everyone is welcome here so you don’t need to dress up in tweed and Burberry, in fact if you do wear Burberry... ever... please keep out of our way. Go on your lonesome to defuse the marital or take your buddies for a bit of group therapy.

Fun and Games

Oh my god, remember Quasar… ah remember Dodgems and bowling and prizes and everything. Phew calm down, lucky for us the Pikey’s stayed in town and built a massive house for all our childhood fav’es. Well… La Bowl isn’t exactly a Pikey Fair but it’s sparkly, brash and bright with a DJ playing all of the cheesy music you can think of and the best thing is that on weekends its open till late. Piew, piew, piew, zshooooom… zshoooom… ha ha oh that crazy Quasar… oh…

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Well, well, well…it’s games you’re after huh? You must have just realised that there’s more to life than USP’s, RAJAR’s, BMS’s and JRN’s…

After years of researching the good old office game and disrespecting enough red faced bossy types it became cheek slappingly clear that the most effective way of shirking the day away was to use your PC sparingly so check out below for some good old fashioned office games. Failing that, if you’ve reached the point of no return and you’re convinced that you’ve done all that is possible to piss off your boss, go and check out these little nuggets of deep fried gold- ‘Penny I don’t care if I get caught… give me funnage!’…

Good old fashioned ‘Office Games'

‘IMDB U make the T’

Stupidly easy and less open wounds than ‘last one up the stairs!!!’ way of deciding who makes the next brew. The problem with this game is that it’s as addictive as a few tubes of burning hot UV and the twisted sense of achievement we get from tanning.

The rules: You can play this game with as many people as you want, take it in turns to think up a category (actor, director, genre, date, etc.), then you flip a coin to decide ‘high’ or ‘low’. If you get low, you must then all submit the name of a film within the chosen category that you think will have received the ‘lowest’ viewer rating on IMDB.

Example: Kai chooses ‘Animated’ as the category, Paul flips a coin and it comes out as Tails/ low. Penny chooses ‘Flushed Away’, Paul chooses ‘Antz’ and Kai chooses ‘Meet The Robinsons’. Scores are tallied and kept on an important secret Excel spreadsheet that doubles up as a work smokescreen… 'Antz' gets the highest rating and Paul makes everyone a brew!

‘Who the DMX Partied up?’

Right at the beginning of DMX, Party Up you here ‘whoooo’. What you need to do here is take turns and replace the whooo with one definitive word or phrase that a colleague always uses. Everyone else has to guess who you’ve just done. You get a point if someone gets it, lose a point if no- one does and they get a point for guessing it. Warning: pennyleebrown.com does not encourage office bullying, you worthless sods

Yellow car (window neccessary)

First to spot the yellow car gets a point. False claims result in minus a point including “yell…  oh man!”

Who am I?

The age old, ‘famous name on a post- it note on your forehead’ game

Office Olympics

Things like ‘first around the office on your chair without touching the floor’ type events

Dale or no Dale

Shouting ‘Dale’ repeatedly a la Alan Partridge’s “Dan” at anyone out of the  window … “Dale?………. Dale?…….…….. DALE?…………….. Dale?………………DALE?............ DALE!................DALE!?”

Office 007

Self explanatory, make use of staplers and promo materials

Contact

you can contact Penny Lee either via

write: shout@pennyleebrown.com

speak : 07877 352 767

see: myspace.com/pennyleebrown